Comm 1008 Communications

In a hostile communication climate, the greatest challenge is not listening well when the other person appears more upset and needs to talk first. Good listeners have a way of not only appearing attentive but also suspending their immediate thoughts (Chapter 6). They avoid problem-solving right away for the other person since managing their problems may not be the best way that another person would choose. And perhaps most challenging to do, they tune into the person’s emotions behind the words and often let them know how their emotions come across.

A second challenge during the interaction between two people is when one person is more upset and need to speak, but he or she fails to do so or at least fail to articulate what they want to the other person. When faced with a communication situation where there need to talk but have reservations or fears about the person’s response, people often end up in this predicament because they believe it will be difficult to communicate why they want a particular outcome (Chapter 7). If this occurs, they are well-served to remind ourselves that there is little benefit in fretting about “why” they want something. People are better off simply focusing on what they want and not feeling an immediate need to defend their rationale.

At a family friend’s dinner, my dad’s friend asked me about my long term plans. Upon telling him that I want to be a nephrologist, he said: “What are you going to do with so much education? You have to be a homemaker in the end anyhow.” According to him, women did not need to have any high career goals (doctor, engineer, lawyers) because in the end, they have to become a homemaker anyhow, and all that education is pointless because it’s just a waste of money and time. There is nothing wrong with being a homemaker. But to say that having high career goals is pointless because the woman would become a homemaker after marriage is sexist. This statement upset the point that I decided to leave the dinner table and walked outside. My father followed me and asked what was wrong. I tried to explain how his statement was a micro-aggression that offended my identity as a woman (Laureate Education, 2016). He replied that his friend was not aware and he did not mean to hurt my feelings. We later talked, and I encouraged him to learn about macroaggressions and avoid them in any communication.

Changes in communication could have improved the interaction and make it more lively. One significant change should be avoiding micro-aggressions, sexist or stereotypes during communication (Ma, 2010). Another change should be informing an individual when his or her comments are offensive. Several tips can help avoid such scenarios in future. One of them is to respond when you notice any micro-aggressive language. It is all part of the dialogue, so an individual would feel quite comfortable acknowledging any discrepancies between their expression (or tone) and what they are saying. It is also essential to learn to overlook slights. Most people are not out there trying to make enemies or poke people in the eye. So give them the benefit of the doubt and let it go. If you find something particularly annoying and it is recurring, then just talk to the person and let them know that – even though they likely don’t mean anything by it, you would appreciate it if they could cut it out. Usually, a friendly, polite, non-accusatory conversation is enough to fix it (Chapter 7). Ultimately, most people want to get along and do not want to be perceived as offensive. Usually, and polite comment and a forgiving attitude will go a long way toward reducing annoyances in your work or social group.

References

Chapter 6, Section 3: Emotions and Interpersonal Communication.

Chapter 7: Communication in Relationships.

Laureate Education (Producer). (2016). Is it a microaggression? [Interactive media]. Baltimore, MD: Author. Retrieved from https://mym.cdn.laureate media.com/2dett4d/Walden/EDDD/8102/CH/mm/agression/index.html

Ma, L. (2010). Microaggressions: More than just race. Retrieved May 14, 2021, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/microaggressions-in-everyday-life/201011/microaggressions-more-just-race